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ThisIsAbout

Relationships.

If you'd like to learn more about how to love yourself first, click the button below or peep the latest posts.

 

Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.
— Ann Landers

Whether you're in one, just got out of one, have been in one long term, curious to be in one with someone or just straight up got played like a pinch hitter, 'Relationship' is a very familiar word to hear at any age.

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What we SHOULD aspire to have is a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. It takes work to build something strong, let alone something worth while that could last quite some time.

 

- Let's Chat about the Following -

  1. Communication.

  2. Boundaries.

  3. HealthyNUnhealthy.

  4. HonestyNAccountability.

D'Angelo

Me & Those Dreamin' Eyes Of Mine

Album: Brown Sugar ▴ Year: 1995


Communication.

 
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"All you do is talk shhhh*t!"

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Communication: Each individual is content showing their desires and wants, and listens respectfully to their partners concerns. It shows that you're cognesent of one another's opinion, even if you don't agree with it.

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Non-verbal communication is equally important (e.g. body language, tone of voice, facial expressions). This is a big step in how we relate to others.

  • Stop.

  • Think.

  • Talk.

  • Listen.

It's not easy. It will feel unnatural, but these steps will further your improvement speaking up in your relationship. 


  • Talk. It's better to let it out than to keep it in, it's the only way to release the tension you may feel because tension can make you isolated and/or withdrawn.

 

  • Respect. You have value and so does your significant other, thus you should both value one another. You need to let them know you value their ideas and their personal interests.

 

  • Support. Encourage your boo and support their smart choices. Great relationships are about putting the sprinkles on the ice cream, not throwing the ice cream on the ground.

 

  • Private. You need your space, we all do. Move back and let them do their thing because you'll want that same space sometimes in return.


Problem: Every time you hang out, someone is talking smack within the first 5 minutes.
You're consistently trash talking with your "lover" about your "friends" and what they're doing or not doing, outer appearances, substances-free life information or have speeches of information that's invaluable to growing as an individual. 

Solution: First off, stop harbouring that negative rhetoric and acknowledge the greatness in those around you. Take a moment to queue in on you and the people you love instead of people that have no purpose on your mind. Remember, put yourself around positive, loving and encouraging people. 

Nothing lowers the level of conversation more than raising the voice.
— Stanley Horowitz

Boundaries.

 
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It doesn't mean you're unsympathetic, uncaring or unsupportive, but it's about realizing that it’s not your responsibility to resolve someone else's issues for them (no matter how much we care.)

A broken soul doesn’t invest in boundaries because the world has crossed them, without mercy.
— Shannon L. Alder

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Healthy Sexual

Boundaries

Lay Down the rules on what  goes for you and your partner(s) when it comes to the "right touch" and sexual activity. Be sure to speak on those boundaries with your partner(s).

>>>


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"Babe, why are you always blaming me?"

Problem
Someone who just finished a hard and stressful day at work wants to see their bae after work. Unfortunately, the love of their life had a dinner date planned earlier so they didn't get home on time. Once home, they get distracted by notifications and phone calls while the  tired and stressed out someone, tries to cuddle and be close. Enraged, they lose their temper because they feel ignored and neglected thus they blame their lover to be the reason for all the negative feelings.

Problematic, because?
It’s small but mighty and can be solved easily, but now it ended up in an argument? This harms what the two have and when seen as irrational, emotional and is consistent, it can possibly reduce intimacy and even the bond.

Solution
Put yourself in their shoes. Think of how many frustrating things they had to put up with in a day - If you are tired from work, so are they.  Take responsibility for the way you feel. If you want the relationship to last to, be supportive but don't take smack. You require respect and so do they but you don't allow anyone to walk all over you. Next time if you need them,  develop ways of communicating your want for attention.

Sex is. There is nothing more to be done about it. Sex builds no roads, writes no novels and sex certainly gives no meaning to anything in life but itself.
— Gore Vidal

Healthy Emotional Boundaries: It is just fine to create emotional boundaries. These boundaries can solidify self-awareness and can protect you from being manipulated or feeling trapped. It gives you a sec to step away from the emotions that your lover(s) might be going through. 

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Sometimes we don't know how to react in certain situation and/or base our choices on other people's perception of us.

Someone could be led to believe that they should engage in sex with a lot of other people and somehow not get emotionally attached to them.

On the other hand, someone could be conditioned to believe that making whoopee with too many people is “dutty,” and that they should “play hard to get.” These perceptions can make it harder for everyone to be honest, and they can become self-conscious.

Relationships grow stronger when both people can let loose and be who they are in and out of the bedroom. Once we comprehend the motives and question our “rules,” we impose that we respect our bae(s) for themselve(s) in lieu of who they “should be.”

MEAN WHAT YOU SAY

Make it clear that you WILL NOT change the way you feel about protecting yourself. Your position on caring for your body and appreciating yourself is important. If THEY doesn’t like your response, that ain't the bae for you.

You're good love, enjoy.

 

P.S. It takes two to tango and one to have the mango, contraceptives are the responsibility of two! If you are engaging in sex regularly, you should at least have protection on deck as well. Don’t leave your well being entirely in the hands of another, you wouldn't leave your ID at home.

Healthy Sex is About R.e.s.p.e.c.t!

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HealthyNUnhealthy.

 

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Ways To Develop A Better Relationship

Plant, and your lover plants with you; weed, and you weed alone.
— Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Nurturing our blooms: New relationships can be dashing and as sweet as sweet potato pie,  you'll be together 24/7, but you gotta spend some time apart, you have to miss each other. It’s also okay, for each person to have their own identity. Individualism is essential and not all flowers should grow intertwined - Taking time to get right with your own emotions, helps everyone.

"You're off to the side and I'm that way, Why?"

Problem
Your life paths are different and the opposite goals, you get blamed for because you're not following their style and that puts your dreams and goals in turmoil.

Problematic, because?

You're being blamed for being inconsiderate enough to pursue different life choices, making you feel like you have to give up what you want. Throw the towel in, giving up, what you want to do instead, you wonder "Do I own my life anymore?"

Solution

Stand up for what you believe, darling. Don't ever stop believing in achieving just because of what they may say. Remember that good people support one another.

Do not hold your breath for anyone,
Do not wish your lungs to be still,
It may delay the cracks from spreading,
But eventually they will.
Sometimes to keep yourself together
You must allow yourself to leave,
Even if breaking your own heart
Is what it takes to let you breathe.
— Erin Hanson

Trust and care are the best ways to grow intimacy. Caring for someone else and them doing the same makes, it’s easier to become more vulnerable to each other. Trust means, intimacy while respecting their boundaries and mutual agreements. When you trust someone enough it shows respect, dignity, that they won’t turn on you about your personal life to others, honouring the boundaries you’ve put in place even around being comfortable sexually.

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 Unhealthy

Situations

 

Take, take, take, no give. 

Drained Feeling. 

Untrustworthy. 

The atmosphere holds bad juju. 

Imbalanced. 

Consistently judging.

Unreliable. 

 Such a Narcissist.

GreenHouse of negative energy.

Communication? Where, my guyyy? 

 

Red Flags

  • TipToeing on eggshells

  • What appreciation for each other?

  • Bad behaviour? ohnoforsure.

  • Hitting? Getting physical.

  • Lies.Lies.Lies.

  • Competitive as heck.

  • Jealousy

  • Inner Voice: "Why are we hanging out?" Ughh.

  • *In pop-off mode 24/7*

  • Your fights don't get resolved

  • Picking up slack

  • Clashing personalities

  • You can't be yourself

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HonestyNAccountability.

 

Honesty and Accountability

Be fair and straight to the point for a healthy relationship. Honesty means being comfy enough to tell their deepest secrets to the boo. Be open and receptive at the same time, if this person is your world. Accountability means that you are responsible for your emotional behaviour and respecting agreements negotiated with your lover.


1. Honesty

Love yourself before you love others, it's the greatest love you have and the greatest love you can show to others. 

2. Act, Not React

When people are seen for the way they behave, they become defensive. That's a reaction. 

3. Forgivness

No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes but if you don't forgive your love for the small things that occur, it will be a strained bond.


Responsibility Looks Like

There's a difference between taking and deflecting responsibility. Be weary of defensive ways which could mean, “stop being so sensitive” or “I didn’t know that you cared about that” or “you should’ve said something.” It goes both ways

>>>

The right thing to do and the hard thing to do are usually the same.
— Steve Maraboli
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Shared power

This is key in a relationship. The two of. you should feel safe and have An equal say. negotiation Is also a big key. negotiating means, sharing requirements about issues or problems, and Find a solution. satisfaction and respect instead of feeling Pressured.

 

Taking Responsibility is Important

Owning up and being responsible is an important part of a great bond. It empowers reminding us that their is healthy active leadership in your relationship. 

Responsibility =

Trust + Dependability   

Taking responsibility for your actions, shows your necessity to be real and open, thus encouraging authenticity.


It’s a practice of self-awareness. Being able to apologize and accept that what you do affects others, is glorious. 

For your lover, being responsible is having open dialogue about feelings and being strong enough to admit they can grow.

 Being responsible is as simple as knowing when you just have to take the shoes off and put your feet up.


Until next time, stay strong and know that on this earth, you belong. - JoyX

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